Without You I'm Nothing
by autumnrebellion
Summary: Isabella Swan is the picture of success but her imminent return to the town she fled from reunites her with her best friend Edward Cullen who she fell in love with ten years previous. Can their friendship be repaired or is it just too painful? AU BxE


Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to _S. Meyer_ however I have quite a bit of fun manipulating them from time to time.

A/N

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this. Please review if you can. I'd love to hear from you, whether that's to say how crap this story this or tell me the direction you'd like it to go in...I don't mind.

I'm also looking for a beta, so anyone out there who's interested give me a shout, thanks ever so much,

Ana x

Chapter 1 – Always Love

2004 – New Year's Eve

The evening's revellers were all there as expected, each adorned in either the thriftiest vintage attire one could salvage from mom's wardrobe or the finest couture courtesy of the lovely "On a Night Like This" located in nearby Port Angeles, all trying very hard to fit in with the rest of the elite. Clinking champagne glasses were the percussion under the two hundred or so voices that burst too loudly from each of the celebrating guests at yet another gala.

To most I guess this could be classed as an opening gala, to me this was just another New Year's celebration tradition. My best friend Alice would drag me along to her house along with my mother and father and our family along with Alice's would celebrate the coming in on the new year together albeit there were far more people here this year as opposed to the normal ten.

This could be common occurrence these days, I mean I wouldn't know, I haven't seen anyone from Forks in three years. I did realise that this year was somewhat more than just the celebration of the new year, everyone here was gathered to celebrate the success of the youngest Cullen son. He'd just been made musical director of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, according to my mother Renée. I wasn't surprised, he deserved every ounce of success her received.

As anticipated, I felt incredibly nervous and surprisingly it wasn't due to the revealing cream dress which adorned my waifish frame. The functions I was required to attend in New York on a regular basis, well what was a regular basis, meant that evening dresses were now a staple in my closet. If anything I was glad that I hadn't been subjected to the torment of Alicia Mallory and her godforsaken dress shop whilst being told that "orange was definitely my colour" and presumably still rocking a cropped tee like it was 1999...I shivered internally at that.

The fact that Alice had brought one of her creations with her made me very thankful. Despite the need for my hair to be tied back most of the time in a working environment it didn't stop me reaching for my teenage blanket which to my disappointment was tied in a loose chignon at Rose's insistence.

How I ached for my Forks high school uniform of a parka, boots and my free flowing chocolate hair, i'm pretty sure they were still at Renée and Charlie's, still hung in the back of my wardrobe where I put them the day after graduation. I had no use for them in New York and I never really stayed long enough during my visits to Forks over the years to drag them out. I stood here clutching my champagne glass like a crutch and though I knew what wasn't the cause of my nerves I couldn't pinpoint exactly what was.

I guess I felt envious deep down. Throughout my life I had strived for success and of course I had experienced it.

Attending an Ivy League school would be classed as being successful and so would graduating _summa cum laude _with a degree to practice medicine. Interning at the Mayo Clinic and working for a world renowned diagnostician could also be deemed successful. I had enjoyed many successes in my life though I had also and continued to struggle with my own weaknesses.

Alice was very efficacious in being able to persuade me to attend this gathering, something which she'd probably inherited from her older brother, lord knows if he wanted me to jump off a cliff at the end of senior year I would've done, he was just capable at such things.

However my normal stoic refusal to not attend the yearly gathering wasn't there as well, I didn't have an excuse anymore. Work was no longer a problem.

One of my biggest weaknesses to date had occurred in A&E department of Mount Sinai hospital, the A&E department for Christ's sake. I had cracked under pressure in there of all places. Day after day I dealt with cases of everything from Anthrax to Ischemic Heart Disease yet the day I covered for a random physician in A&E I cracked. At 2 o'clock on 13th December I collapsed on the floor next to a patient with a fractured wrist. Deep down I knew that the reason I collapsed was due to exhaustion, with only four hours sleep most nights and being on call almost permanently it was a wonder I lasted as long as I did. My return to New York was scheduled for the 7th of February 2005 and until then I was instructed to rest or engage in whatever I do "for kicks" as my boss so charmingly put it.

When my mother showed up at my apartment on the 14th December I knew I had no choice but to return to the town I despised with almost my whole being. Well, maybe i'm being a bit dramatic. There was nothing wrong with Forks, Washington per say, the quaint little town was idyllic for some and seemed to conjure wonderful images but to me the only things being conjured were what once were happy memories yet were now unbearably painful.

Edward Cullen was my best friend and when I moved here with my family to the house neighbouring his in 1992 he made my last two years of high school the best of my life. I say this fully knowing how absurd it may sound to some but I mean it with all my heart. Which I guess is why everything is so painful.

Following our graduation from Queen Mary's Catholic High School in 1994 we both parted ways when attending college, me for Brown and Edward for Juilliard. We kept in touch via weekly phone calls and letters, once of twice he visited Brown and I remember attending a recital of his in 1996...the day he introduced me to her. I yearned for the Christmas holidays when we would both return from school. Sneaking into the kitchen to steal Esme's cookie dough, pulling ridiculous pranks which never worked on Emmett before racing to the diner and sniggering into bowls, yes bowls, of coffee...none of this ever seemed to get old, even at 22.

This all stopped in 1999.

In the Christmas of 1999 Edward announced his engagement to Tanya Denali. Edward met Tanya at Juilliard. She was a flautist and breathtakingly beautiful, nearly as exquisite as Rose and that's saying something. Christmas 1999 was the last year I made the annual trip to Forks, after that I threw myself into extra work and volunteering at the soup kitchen. This is the first time I've returned to Forks at Christmas.

Of course I had visited in the past five years but every time I had the trademark silver Volvo was never parked in the house opposite, no one was sat in the Gazebo which overlooked the pond between our two houses and Renée never mentioned him, I didn't really confide in her like I did during my teenage years but I think she understood my feelings towards him so the issue of me staying for Christmas never occurred to which I was very grateful.

I was pulled from my reverie by who I recognised as Mike Newton. One of a few unwanted admirers I had during high school. His hair was now gelled into spikes as opposed to the sweeping curtains it had adopted during senior year, even now he still looked like some boy-band reject.

After drifting in and out of the conversation which i'm pretty sure was about the local market shop he now owned I make excuses to leave and swiftly found another glass of champagne to help me through the rest of the evening.

I couldn't help but wish Alice was flitting by my side to make the evening less painful yet I knew she would be off congratulating her brother with her fiancé Jasper.

Since 2000 Alice had never mentioned her brother to me. I'd never openly admitted the feelings I harboured for him to her but I think she understood, I was spared many painful bits of knowledge thanks to her. Sure I had received an invite to the wedding in February 2000 but I never attended and Alice never spilled the details. I never knew whether he kept returning every Christmas to Forks, I never knew whether he and Tanya had children, I never knew what he did after Juilliard and yes I was curious but thankful I was kept in the dark.

I was later accosted by a very pregnant Jessica Stanley on my return from the bathroom. I remember Jess being my first acquaintance in Forks, I met her before I even met the Cullens. I met Jessica in AP Calculus 1993 on my second day at Queen Mary's. I was probably far too judging for my own good back then.

*

_November 1993_

_I figured after the first day everything and everyone would go back to their normal business and start, well start acting normally. I was wrong. Oh so very wrong. Jessica, The petite brunette had made it her mission to make sure we would become "BFFs"...I mean what the hell? I had initially thought that she would lose her interest rapidly but as we currently sit in Calculus I feel my brain being slowly infiltrated by the meaningless statements she utters nearly none stop. I don't really know why she is in that class anyway, really no idea at all. One would think that she would be academically able but I soon discovered that that wasn't the case. We're currently studying co-ordinate geometry and when asked to find the equation of a circle Jess merely sat there drawing what I presumed were "pretty patterns", which made a scary resemblance to a Pagan symbol, in the centre of her circle. I had long since discovered not to ask Jess what she was doing as this just led to a slew of remarks about practically any subject and instead it was far better to just daze off...I had long since learnt how to find out the equation of a circle anyway._

_I was snapped from my thoughts by the bell some forty minutes later. To my dismay, Jessica Stanley seemed intent on picking up the conversation right where she had left off, not that she really did "leave off" anywhere. I had no severe objection against the girl but sometimes one just needs a tiny bit of peace and quiet, one thing I had learnt today was that I would never be given such luxuries in Miss Stanley's presence. I continued to zone out whilst we walked down the corridors, only catching brief bits of her tirade, "pale", "fuck-worthy" and the name "Edward Cullen" featured quite prominently...slightly worrying. However, Jess' rant effectively stopped any random students coming up and starting a conversation about god knows what. Jess seemed perfectly content also, I discovered that by nodding my head whenever an opening for a response from me came in some form that she would merely continue talking. I had never met anyone who liked hearing their own voice so much._

*

I probably was too harsh for my own good. Jessica, although a little annoying was perfectly harmless. I listened as she let me know she worked as a secretary at the school we attended and was expecting a baby girl with her husband Tyler Crowley the following month.

Again I was jealous of the happiness that she had. She'd never left the state, instead choosing to attend a community college in Port Angeles for her secretarial training yet she seemed far happier than I could wish to be.

I wished her the best and said I would pop round to see her baby when it was born and departed with a light shoulder squeeze before making my way to the balcony which overlooked the Cullen's back garden.

Even in the night time it was still a sight to behold. I had heard that Esme had retired from her job as an interior designer the year previous from my mother and could see now how she filled her time. Despite the chill I found it enjoyable watching the way the trees seemed to be engaged in some eternal, agonizing ballet. I knew my time out here was numbered, any minute Renée would pummel through the door dragging me back to socialize, sweeping my eyes once more over the view and garden I missed I turned to go inside.

"You came."

A simple statement which shouldn't affect me but when uttered from the lips of Edward Cullen it was a whole different story. I turned to face him and felt myself gasp lightly when I took in his appearance. He was breathtakingly beautiful, he always had been but somehow he seemed to get better with age. His bronze hair was still the unruly mess it had been since he was 17 and his amber eyes were haunting as they penetrated my own. His cheekbones were even more angled now and seemed so sharp that they could cut glass. He wore a black jacket and trousers, a white shirt and a thin black tie hanging loosely around his neck. I had only really seen him dressed so smartly twice before, when I watched his recital and the prom in senior year, the year we went together and he he showed up wearing a leather jacket, I smiled inwardly at the thought.

On the outside Edward Cullen looked very similar but the difference being now, the first time I had ever really noticed it before. As he continued to hold my gaze, the boy I grew up with was now, with his career and marital success, was very much a man.


End file.
